did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
