Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
