it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
