Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
