I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
