I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
