he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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