He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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