I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
