We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize