She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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