soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
