He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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