i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
