i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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