Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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