i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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