I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
