There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
