remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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