return my video game
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
