You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
