Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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