I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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