i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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