I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
