So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
