If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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