And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
