I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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