we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
