Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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