i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
