This is not my ceiling
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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