You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
