so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
