those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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