you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
