Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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