she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
