Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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