ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Barsexuality is the new black.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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