Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
