As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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