he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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