8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Couch. On fire.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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