the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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