i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
