Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
