I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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