i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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