I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
