You're a womanizer and a bitch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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