I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
