Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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