omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
