OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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