Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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