I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My cat gives me a boner
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
