I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
