I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
