Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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