why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
