i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
