its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
