I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
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Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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