she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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