Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
