She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
