I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
