My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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