Im at strip club and am horny
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
